My finger and it's predator

OK so for as long as I've worked at this drum refurbishing plant my fingers have been under attack by drums of all shapes, sizes, and mediums. The latest attack comes from a wedge ax that we use to pop holes in the tops of the drums so that we can clean the inside and crush them which smashed my pointer finger. It didn't hurt at first but then about 2-3 secs later it stung. After showing it to the resident medical practitioner here on the job I was given ice and then. Told to stay in the break room till the swelling went down enough for me to go back to work. 15 minutes later I was given the thumbs up to leave. Needless to say I've been pointing at everyone since the accident.

cowboy Bebop and iPhone

Ok so I got an iPhone the other day and so far it's pretty awesome loving all the capabilities.

Been watching Cowboy Bebop for the past 2 days andso far I'm completely lost this show is so off the wall I'm missing my brain I think :/
Faye valentine is the only reason worth watch it ^_^

Nothing more for now

to much time to think

Why is it that we perceive ourselves to be something we're not? Who are we really? Why do we belong? Why are we here? Is it that thing called ego, or the fact that we view our lives to be more then they really are. Are we more then we are? Are we here for a special reason? Why is it that so many philosophers have summed up different things in one sentence?

We all have our reasonings on what the answer to these questions are and some of us don't. Like me for instance. I perceive myself as a mental version of what a chameleon is physically yet i dont have the ability to fully blend in with my surroundings. Why you might ask, because i just do. I watch a lot of TV mostly anime as most of the people i know do, but some of it is live action aka normal tv (ie: CSI, House, and Modern Marvels just to name a few). In all the TV that I've watched whether it be animated or not, a lot of the mentally stimulating shows and movies provoke thought into existence and after-life. yes i know that humans in general spend 20-30% of their life contemplating existence and withing the last 15-20 years of their life (while they still maintain the mental capacity to do so) the percentage goes up. Some people go crazy over it others don't, many who can write books about what it is they believe is the answer to the ever persistent question that lingers in the mind for years. Some believe the after life is a reflection of what you do in this life, others believe that death is the end and this is all you have, while still many dont know how to answer the question other then to say i'm here now and thats all that matters.

If its our ego that we're trying to mend or inflame what would be the reasoning in proving that we are so much more then what we are. A line from the new popular game Soul Caliber 4 comes to mind when i think of this "So you are what you are." It makes some sense but i can't place my finger on what truely makes sense about it. Yeah i'm me because i'm me and you are because you are you but you can't use the term to define the word so in other words it would be like saying i'm me because i'm the original there is nothing more or less then who i am. well with that said why do we think we're superior, is it because we created buildings, cars, roads, robots, toys, cards, tv, controlled electricity, redirected water, tamed the wild, traveled the 7 seas, converted mater, launched ourselves into outerspace, and so much more. I say that that is only one part of the question why but it isn't the answer or even enough to account for one third the answer. People think their superior to other humans though all humans are supposedly equal, they think they are the alpha in their micro-ecosystem, they think "we control the land and the animals no one is above us," but what they dont realize is that no one is truly above anyone yes they are separated by monetary means and physical wealth and endowments but past that we're all human we all can get and above all we die.

Is there some special reason for our existence or are we just the by product of something else. Some believe that God put us here for some reason but that doesn't explain why we're here. A character once said,"God is just a child with to many toys" (paraphrased). Some believe that we are the product of years of evolution, though that is true it doesn't explain why we exist though if brought into more thought it could be that we just evolved the quickest (ie: Darwinism). While still others and the one that i tend to believe over the rest is that we are just the result of another worlds death. We are born here right after we die in a different dimension. Souls transported from one reality to another starting fresh and new with no prior knowledge of the previous life. Yes this might be the thoughts of a romantic but hey i'm proud to say that i am a romantic.

Are philosophers so much more educated in the workings of the world that a huge mind numbing thought can be so easily explained in one brief statement. How is it that so much can be said in just a sentence? Ludwig Wittgenstein put it nicely,"Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language." Which in all actual circumstances thats all that needs to be said, yet i do want to almost pull apart the sentence and show you what i mean. If you rework the sentence back to simple thought you get "Philosophy is a battle against","the bewitchment of our intelligence", and "by means of language".

Philosophy is a battle against: philosophy is a means of wrapping ones head around everything that happens in their life.

The bewitchment of our intelligence: we think about everything that happens and we wonder what caused it, what effects it what makes it what it is.

by means of language: we portray our thoughts threw one of the only know forms of auditory communication which is non-other then the language we speak.

My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment. -Oprah Winfrey-

last few months..... and the sad reality of missing AWA

     OK so i don't know where i left off with my update on my life last thing i remember talking about on here end up being told to my mom and i got a whole lecture on it because the person that read this doesn't realize that this is only my thoughts mixed with fact stirred in a blender few a few hours and the poured into a nice neat package for all to read. But anyways as all things go update for the past little while.

     June or July I got a job with the city as a Summer Grounds Helper, it was cool while it lasted but then end of summer comes as it always does and the guy i worked with up there said that if i wanted to i could head over to the local job location facility and fill out an application there and then someone from the city would call and say they wanted me to work with the city and i'd continue working. The only reason for doing this extension of work was because they liked how well i work and how much i do on my own, plus they wanted me to stay just in-case i did get the job that i had applied for with the city. Well that was all well and good pay didn't change any nor the hours but that stuff doesn't bother me i had a reason to get up and go someplace for a few hours a day. well about a week or two ago they hired a new guy who has 4 years of schooling plus 4 years of actual landscaping experience, also all well and good. They told me during the first few weeks of the extension of work that if i didn't get the permanent job with them then when they hire the new guy and he starts working they'd tell me the week before and i'd not work during his first week. Well they never told me when he would begin or not and i actually ended up working during the guys first week of work, i guess they liked my work with them so much they didn't want me to leave; yet curiously they didn't want me to stay. well i dont mind any of what happened big whoop some other shumck got something i wanted and hes getting paid the big bucks oh well. 

     well for those of you that dont know, which would be a lot of the readers of this, i'm into many card games and a few board games so i spend a lot of my money on those extensions of hobbies, plus i'm into anime which i spend far less money on then i should be but i never neglect my need for anime, and i'm working in paintball, target practice, soon to be metal working (something i've wanted to do for a while now), wood craft (mainly boxes and other little nic-nacs for around the house), and whatever else i can get into without having to devote a ton of time toward.

in the next few weeks i should be getting a call from one company saying whether or not they'll hire me (hopefully they do) and more time hanging around the house.

Rain begins to fall outside while a lonely armour clad soul walks sadly wishing he had his brother beside him. Then in one loud grief filled sentence he yells,"NO FAIR SKY I'M THE ONE THAT WANTS TO CRY"......

      BTW for those of you that got to go and those of you like me that didn't get to go Thursday marked the start of AWA (Anime Weekend Atlanta). yes i sadly missed this splendid occasion to root myself deep into the warm nest of the greatest mass media addiction to ever grace the earth. -tear- -sad smile- My friend Vincey will hopefully send me pictures of AWA cuz i'm dying to see all the great things that happen there i miss AWA so much. 3 years is going to be to long but i will suffer through it and this time next year i shall party the night away at AWA 2009 and i shall be prepared -evil laugh followed by echo of evil laugh followed by echo of echo of evil laugh- ^_^ -tear- some times i amaze even myself.

     XXXHolic (manga/anime)- which i have just recently gotten the chance to start reading is an amazing series which i shall continue. I promise myself that i would have read more of it by now but alas i have not been able to find more then the 8 minute wait for the banana split jr. at sonic to be delivered to the car so that i might read more of one of the craziest but ever so slightly intellectually enhancing series that is know as XXXHolic.

yeah OK i'm weird but you have to say i'm quite funny ^_^

Chapter 1 Page 2

     She hurriedly got dressed and ran out the front door of her apartment. She had a thirty minute commute from her apartment on East 13th Street to East 89th Street which she was dreading because she knew how fast the pods go and she was in a hurry. As she bolted down the steps of her apartment building her best friend and neighbor ran along beside her . "Debora! Debora!," she yelled constantly trying to get Debora's attention but Debora was already to far gone in thought about what was going. Debora's friend decided that the only way to get her attention would be to throw something at her since she couldn't keep up with her. She picked up the nearest item and threw it at Debora hitting her on the back. Debora stopped at the front door and turned around to see who hit her. "Susan what was that for!," she proclaimed after taking a second to massage her back. "I've been calling your name since you left your apartment," Susan was annoyed at this point because she was out of shape and working as a tenth grade teacher didn't do much to help that. Debora quickly explained what had happened and told Susan that she was in a hurry to get to the lab to find out what the authorities had found out and to see what had been stolen. "My God what has this world come to," Susan said in a disdainful voice,"what do they plan on doing with what ever they stole and why blow up the building?" "I don't know but that's why I'm in a hurry," and Debora darted down the street to the nearest pod station. She stepped into the nearest unused pod and said where she needed to go, the door closed and she was off.

     Pods were introduced six years ago as a means of safe and clean transportation from one place to another. They were designed by one of Debora's colleagues and the government gave a grant to install the stations all over New York. She was grateful for them because the only other means of transportation was a little electric powered car that required its rider to stand in a jell-like bubble that wraps around the inner walls the entire ride. As she passed through the streets briefly noticing the few robots that cleaned the streets and a very small fraction of the population who were considered homeless, even though they weren't, dotted the near empty streets. The New York City Council passed a bill called homes for the homeless which converted all the old unused railways and stations into homes with all the basic needs. As the pod reached the entrance to 89th street she could already see the mayhem that had been caused. The street was filled with debris from the building and people lined up outside the yellow tape watching the police and fire department work. The pod floated down the street and came to a stop at the nearest pod station. She got out and ran down the street hoping she could find someone she worked with that could tell her what had happened since the news.

     She stood outside the tape staring at the research papers that were now littered across the road and flying freely in the air. Tears began to roll down her cheek as she thought of all the hard work she had put in and how all that had been ruined in a matter of minutes. Noise pulsated in her ears as she stood there staring at everything that had once been organized was now in ruin. She could hardly hear anything because of the fire department's sirens. As the sounds pulsated in her ear she heard her name being called and in an attempt to find the source she turned her head around and around looking. After a few seconds she saw her friend Marcus pushing through the crowd of people stammering this way and that to try and keep balance. "Debora! Debora! We've lost our jobs, our lives, our research, everything!, he sounded over dramatic even for what Debora could ever think Marcus could do. He had tears running down his face too which was very unusual for him but given the circumstances she didn't doubt that his feeling were fake. She screamed out to him above all the noise in her head and around her," How's everyone and where are they?" Marcus looked around and then told her that everyone else was alright he'd spent most of the morning calling people telling them about what happened. Marcus gave a heavy huff and looked at her ,"they stole it you know that right?"He looked at her and then noticing that she was confused he rephrased his statement,"the government stole our research our experiments everything, you and I know it!" She was in no mood for his conspiracies right now so she ignored the statement and began asking him what he'd found out since the robbery.

Chapter 1 Page 1

     Her mind was restless from her long day at work researching photo-luminescence. As she laid on her bed she thought whether or not she really wanted to continue her work at the near by science lab. "It's a fun job," she thought over and over, running the last few experiments in her head. It's a government paid research lab with full access to any chemicals, compounds, or elements that she needed for the experiments she had been conducting. The more she thought about it the more she thought about changing careers. Recently she had grown more and more paranoid about what the results of her research had taught her. As time had progressed she understood the capabilities of what her research could do and that pushed her away from favority pass time which consisted of watching Science Fiction movies with her friends and family. She used to be a big fan of Science Fiction movies and other movies based around things that might happen or could happen. She really used to enjoy them, but when she started her research at the lab she learned how science fiction was become science fact. The past ten years produced naval ships with laser cannons, large robots used for combat on the battlefield instead of humans, and the thing that scared her more then anything space travel.

     "It's only been three years that I've spent there researching photo-luminescence and my research is in its final stages. So in all actuality I could finish my work and then quit and find something else to do," she rationalized to herself as she constantly thought about the repercussions of what could happen if the government did something to weaponize her research and use it for war and destruction. She'd already proven that a 2 milliliters of the compound photolumithalium could power the world for a year but that it also had enough destructive power that if someone heated it above two hundred degrees Fahrenheit the compound would exploded and destroy all of New York City and part of southern Maine. She shudder at the thought but quickly dismissed it. Her whole team had spent almost three full years which when she calculated the hours of work she had put in it hit her that she barely slept, and when she did it was only for a hour or two a week. She stared up at the ceiling wondering if she could get a job someplace else doing the same research but without the government knowing about it. She thought more and more only to come to the conclusion that it would be a stupid move to leave the lab, not only did she get a really nice pay check from it but she gets to use her PHD in Advanced Scientific theology and Science along with her masters in biology and metallurgy. Her eyes drooped a bit and she felt for the light switch, upon finding it she gave a last look around the room and fell asleep.

     As she woke up she glanced over at the clock,"5:34 A.M." it blinked, the high pitched sound of the TV came on from across the room as it automatically tuned itself to the news channel and muted itself. She smiled as she thought to herself,"Gotta love technology," she looked at the muted tv only to see a picture of the New York State Laboratory of Biology and Human Advancement with a caption that wrenched her stomach. She un-muted the TV immediately only to hear the anchorwoman proclaim the horrible news from the night,"Last night two thieves broke into this building and stole three billion dollars worth of research and development of which contains the worlds leading research on photo-luminescence which is soon to be the worlds next power source. During the robbery one of the suspects detonated two bombs inside the building that destroyed the east wing." A stream of tears ran down her face as she sat there watching the news, three years worth of research gone her entire office destroyed and her worst fear was that within the stolen items was the photolumithalium.

thoughts after watching "Cashback"

ok so i just got through watching "Cashback," which is a British based movie about an artist played by Sean Biggerstaff who at the beginning breaks up with his old girlfriend and then spends a total of 4 weeks straight without sleep because of the break up. Sean narates the whole movie and you really get to know what is going on in the Ben's (the main character) mind. Ben states that some people can speed up time by not looking at the clock while others keep busy so that time seems to fly by but instead of trying both of those he pauses time in his head. So to illustrate Ben pausing the real world during the movie the film developers actually pause what is going and allow Ben to move through the other characters as if they were statues.

Movie description (copies from IMDB.com): Cashback
When art student Ben Willis is dumped by his girlfriend Suzy, he develops insomnia. To pass the long hours of the night, he starts working the late night shift at the local supermarket. There he meets a colorful cast of characters, all of whom have their own 'art' in dealing with the boredom of an eight-hour-shift. Ben's art is that he imagines himself stopping time. This way, he can appreciate the artistic beauty of the frozen world and the people inside it - especially Sharon, the quiet checkout girl, who perhaps holds the answer to solving the problem of Ben's insomnia.

throughout the movie I got an extreme feeling of Bens emotions during each part of what happens and it also made me reflect on things that have happened to me. In short a lot of the things that he deals with are foreign to any of us which makes the movie real in a metaphorical sense. Also it brings to mind the many times that i have thought about other stuff to pass the long hours of the day just to survive the times that make life boring and tiring. During the movie I really felt a true sympathetic pull for what Ben had to go through further turn my mind away from the movie and what Ben is going through but towards myself and the few meager things that i have gone through and how i dealt with them, how they affect me, and how i reacted to thost moments. Over and over again i have felt like Ben even though i have been treated more like Ben's best friend, Sean, who in the movie gets slapped in the face by every girl he has ever tried to date. Yes i know his pain but to those that i know be glad i did do what he did (watch the movie so you know what he did ^_^).

I leave you with these 2 small questions:
How have you treated those around you and how do you think they have felt toward you?
and
If you could stop time only to move through it and see every detail how would you use that time?

In need of hobby.

Ok so yeah i'm in need of an inexpensive hobby that i can do on my own at any time of the day any where no matter what. I spend to much time just sitting around wasting time and really the only thing i can think of doing is read a manga but that becomes very expensive very quick since most manga cost about 5 dollars and you have to buy a whole series just to get the full effect and story of the series. Plus i am into heroclix and other card games but they require hundreds of dollars to be put out for pieces and a friend or 2 to play them with. also gaming has become very expensive since games cost more then 40 dollars at times and hard limited to at home play unless i have my ds with me. oragami is a thought but i would needs lots of square paper to carry with me and that becomes a bit space consuming but it is a possible outcome. i was thinking about getting a math book and just learning how to do more complex math problems and then having a math major or math teacher check them for me just so that i know that i'm doing them right, but at the moment i can't find any good advanced mathmatics books that give lots of equations and examples so that i can do that. if i could get my hands on a school math book like a calculus book that would be great but for now i'm looking into something else that i can do on whenever, wherever, forever, and be able to do it alone. If you have any thoughts comment me and please me them logical and not comical.

Gaming Special

alright so this one is just for kicks but yeah i decided i would do a special about board games and card games. Not sure how this one is going to go but sure we'll soon find out what this is going to become.

Alright so first up we have the latest game that I've been getting fully into is Heroclix.
ok now before any of you start ranting and raving about the game and all that I'm going to put this one thing out there, the game is a born winner. not only does it take American superheros and super villains but it gives you a generic way of fighting any character against any character. Lets take my latest victory for instance [the mutant hit team vs Thor]

Stats on the (mutant hit team):
Storm - long range stealth fighter that can fly
Gambit - running shot ranged fighter with stealth
x-23 - up close "stick the person in place" character that can deal damage at the same time
maverick - running shot low point hitter good for back up damage (came in real handy)
Scarlet Witch - makes bad rolls for me re-rolls for me and opponent

Thor
heavy hitter with a wicked defensive side that can do tons of damage

Alright so i kept storm up high and in range of Thor that way i could hit him from a distance and not have to worry any about what happened to her cause she'd be safe were she was, then i moved gambit using running shot do deal the first bit of damage to Thor. Storm hit him for the second. a few misses followed after that and my team took a good bit of damage. X-23 got KOed even though she held Thor in place for a good bit just to keep him from running off. A knock back from gambit did some extra damage that helped. A few more hits and Thor was out first and only victory of the tournament. So next week since i dont have anything else to do i'm going to go to another tournament up at the command post where i have a possible chance of winning a really nice prize.

conversation between me and a good friend

kavan2006: do you know what the irony of being me is
dyurik: what?
kavan2006: i can have a conversation with someone under the influence of an herbal product such as a lavender extract defused into the air and yet still not fully understand the reason why i'm in such a bad position
dyurik: really sounds like a person problem
kavan2006: yeah it is
dyurik: just have to get past the fact that i can be very childish at times
kavan2006: ....
dyurik: really what would ever make you say that?
kavan2006: i dont know just thinking about all the times that i could have stopped and put my head to the grind stone so to speak and actually accomplished something.
dyurik: really?
kavan2006: yeah like in high school
dyurik: everyone could have done better in high school
kavan2006: yeah well i opted more for the recreational, relaxing, and not work things instead of pushing myself to achieve something greater
dyurik: yeah well we all get that from time to time
kavan2006: yeah well we all can't help what happens
dyurik: ok i'm lost
kavan2006: what do you mean?
dyurik i forgot which voice goes to which person
kavan2006: .....
dyurik:um dude you suck at this
kavan2006: i know
dyurik: ok well i'm going to try and get some sleep
kavan2006: night
dyurik: night
dyurik: (idiot) -_-