to much time to think

Why is it that we perceive ourselves to be something we're not? Who are we really? Why do we belong? Why are we here? Is it that thing called ego, or the fact that we view our lives to be more then they really are. Are we more then we are? Are we here for a special reason? Why is it that so many philosophers have summed up different things in one sentence?

We all have our reasonings on what the answer to these questions are and some of us don't. Like me for instance. I perceive myself as a mental version of what a chameleon is physically yet i dont have the ability to fully blend in with my surroundings. Why you might ask, because i just do. I watch a lot of TV mostly anime as most of the people i know do, but some of it is live action aka normal tv (ie: CSI, House, and Modern Marvels just to name a few). In all the TV that I've watched whether it be animated or not, a lot of the mentally stimulating shows and movies provoke thought into existence and after-life. yes i know that humans in general spend 20-30% of their life contemplating existence and withing the last 15-20 years of their life (while they still maintain the mental capacity to do so) the percentage goes up. Some people go crazy over it others don't, many who can write books about what it is they believe is the answer to the ever persistent question that lingers in the mind for years. Some believe the after life is a reflection of what you do in this life, others believe that death is the end and this is all you have, while still many dont know how to answer the question other then to say i'm here now and thats all that matters.

If its our ego that we're trying to mend or inflame what would be the reasoning in proving that we are so much more then what we are. A line from the new popular game Soul Caliber 4 comes to mind when i think of this "So you are what you are." It makes some sense but i can't place my finger on what truely makes sense about it. Yeah i'm me because i'm me and you are because you are you but you can't use the term to define the word so in other words it would be like saying i'm me because i'm the original there is nothing more or less then who i am. well with that said why do we think we're superior, is it because we created buildings, cars, roads, robots, toys, cards, tv, controlled electricity, redirected water, tamed the wild, traveled the 7 seas, converted mater, launched ourselves into outerspace, and so much more. I say that that is only one part of the question why but it isn't the answer or even enough to account for one third the answer. People think their superior to other humans though all humans are supposedly equal, they think they are the alpha in their micro-ecosystem, they think "we control the land and the animals no one is above us," but what they dont realize is that no one is truly above anyone yes they are separated by monetary means and physical wealth and endowments but past that we're all human we all can get and above all we die.

Is there some special reason for our existence or are we just the by product of something else. Some believe that God put us here for some reason but that doesn't explain why we're here. A character once said,"God is just a child with to many toys" (paraphrased). Some believe that we are the product of years of evolution, though that is true it doesn't explain why we exist though if brought into more thought it could be that we just evolved the quickest (ie: Darwinism). While still others and the one that i tend to believe over the rest is that we are just the result of another worlds death. We are born here right after we die in a different dimension. Souls transported from one reality to another starting fresh and new with no prior knowledge of the previous life. Yes this might be the thoughts of a romantic but hey i'm proud to say that i am a romantic.

Are philosophers so much more educated in the workings of the world that a huge mind numbing thought can be so easily explained in one brief statement. How is it that so much can be said in just a sentence? Ludwig Wittgenstein put it nicely,"Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language." Which in all actual circumstances thats all that needs to be said, yet i do want to almost pull apart the sentence and show you what i mean. If you rework the sentence back to simple thought you get "Philosophy is a battle against","the bewitchment of our intelligence", and "by means of language".

Philosophy is a battle against: philosophy is a means of wrapping ones head around everything that happens in their life.

The bewitchment of our intelligence: we think about everything that happens and we wonder what caused it, what effects it what makes it what it is.

by means of language: we portray our thoughts threw one of the only know forms of auditory communication which is non-other then the language we speak.

My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment. -Oprah Winfrey-

last few months..... and the sad reality of missing AWA

     OK so i don't know where i left off with my update on my life last thing i remember talking about on here end up being told to my mom and i got a whole lecture on it because the person that read this doesn't realize that this is only my thoughts mixed with fact stirred in a blender few a few hours and the poured into a nice neat package for all to read. But anyways as all things go update for the past little while.

     June or July I got a job with the city as a Summer Grounds Helper, it was cool while it lasted but then end of summer comes as it always does and the guy i worked with up there said that if i wanted to i could head over to the local job location facility and fill out an application there and then someone from the city would call and say they wanted me to work with the city and i'd continue working. The only reason for doing this extension of work was because they liked how well i work and how much i do on my own, plus they wanted me to stay just in-case i did get the job that i had applied for with the city. Well that was all well and good pay didn't change any nor the hours but that stuff doesn't bother me i had a reason to get up and go someplace for a few hours a day. well about a week or two ago they hired a new guy who has 4 years of schooling plus 4 years of actual landscaping experience, also all well and good. They told me during the first few weeks of the extension of work that if i didn't get the permanent job with them then when they hire the new guy and he starts working they'd tell me the week before and i'd not work during his first week. Well they never told me when he would begin or not and i actually ended up working during the guys first week of work, i guess they liked my work with them so much they didn't want me to leave; yet curiously they didn't want me to stay. well i dont mind any of what happened big whoop some other shumck got something i wanted and hes getting paid the big bucks oh well. 

     well for those of you that dont know, which would be a lot of the readers of this, i'm into many card games and a few board games so i spend a lot of my money on those extensions of hobbies, plus i'm into anime which i spend far less money on then i should be but i never neglect my need for anime, and i'm working in paintball, target practice, soon to be metal working (something i've wanted to do for a while now), wood craft (mainly boxes and other little nic-nacs for around the house), and whatever else i can get into without having to devote a ton of time toward.

in the next few weeks i should be getting a call from one company saying whether or not they'll hire me (hopefully they do) and more time hanging around the house.

Rain begins to fall outside while a lonely armour clad soul walks sadly wishing he had his brother beside him. Then in one loud grief filled sentence he yells,"NO FAIR SKY I'M THE ONE THAT WANTS TO CRY"......

      BTW for those of you that got to go and those of you like me that didn't get to go Thursday marked the start of AWA (Anime Weekend Atlanta). yes i sadly missed this splendid occasion to root myself deep into the warm nest of the greatest mass media addiction to ever grace the earth. -tear- -sad smile- My friend Vincey will hopefully send me pictures of AWA cuz i'm dying to see all the great things that happen there i miss AWA so much. 3 years is going to be to long but i will suffer through it and this time next year i shall party the night away at AWA 2009 and i shall be prepared -evil laugh followed by echo of evil laugh followed by echo of echo of evil laugh- ^_^ -tear- some times i amaze even myself.

     XXXHolic (manga/anime)- which i have just recently gotten the chance to start reading is an amazing series which i shall continue. I promise myself that i would have read more of it by now but alas i have not been able to find more then the 8 minute wait for the banana split jr. at sonic to be delivered to the car so that i might read more of one of the craziest but ever so slightly intellectually enhancing series that is know as XXXHolic.

yeah OK i'm weird but you have to say i'm quite funny ^_^